i just spent like the last forty-five minutes watching the video for Kelly Clarkson’s song ‘since u been gone’ like fifteen times in a row.  i wanted to watch the backstreet boys’ video for ‘i want it that way,’ which i haven’t heard in a minute, and that led me to some n’sync songs, then i noticed ‘since u been gone’ suggested.  i never really listened to that song before, but i had definitely heard it in stores and restaurants and such, so i checked it out, and i was actually really confused by it (part of the reason i watched it so many times).  i just totally misunderstood the narrative of the video (and maybe the song?) the first few times i watched it through.

i’m not sure where i got this idea (maybe i misheard some lyrics in the past, or i read something, or someone told me something, or i conflated the song with some other song or something, or i just assumed something that wasn’t right), but i was under the impression that the song was about breaking up and at first being broken up but then realizing that you’re happy to be on your own.  the lyrics, now that i’ve really heard them, don’t necessarily contradict (or even really discourage) my reading, but they don’t particularly validate it, either.  it’s whatever.  but the video isn’t very sympathetic to that interpretation.

in the video, it seems pretty obvious that her boyfriend broke up with her and is now with some other girl.  it’s not clear if he left her for the other girl or if they broke up and then he met someone new.  (honestly, this seems somewhat important, because if he just met someone new after their relationship didn’t work out, then she’s even more of a jerk for trashing his place- there’s quite a bit of context missing.)  but the story of the video seems to be that they broke up and (and this seems more than a bit contrary to the claims of the actual song) she takes revenge by trashing his apartment.  (it is nice and cathartic, however, which does match the spirit of the song.)  i want to say that the video is off-base, though, because the song is (i think) about the relief of realizing that you’re happy about a break-up that you had thought was the end of the world.  but that’s whatever.  i’m kind of more interested in the fact that, the first couple of times i watched the video i thought it lined up acceptably (if maybe a bit strangely) with my interpretation of song’s meaning.  (i was sort of half-watching the video, i want to point out, and paying more attention to the lyrics.  but still.)

i thought it was her own apartment she was in, and the boyfriend had moved out.  i still think you are supposed to believe that for a minute, but each time i watched it i kept thinking that impression was supposed to last less time than the time before- now i think you’re supposed to doubt it as soon as she starts squeezing toothpaste or whatever into the sink (certainly when she starts cutting up clothes in the closet), but i was thinking it was her apartment up until the very end, when the guy and his new girl come into the apartment to find it trashed.  even when she comes out onto the street, it was obvious to me that that was the person she was singing about, with a new girl, but i just took it as a coincidence that they happened to be walking down the street right outside her place.  i thought it just supposed to put a point on the fact that she was happy to be alone.

i did think it was odd that she was trashing her own apartment, but i took it as her giving the kiss-off not just to him, but to the person she thought she was (dependent, needing to be in a relationship, etc.).  it seemed perfectly reasonable and matched what i believe(d) is/was the theme of the song itself.  with that in mind, i accepted it as logical.  she destroys the lingerie she bought to please someone else, the bed and bathroom they shared, really the whole life of who she used to be.  the picture she destroys (of dude and his new girlfriend- which suggests that they’ve been broken up for quite a while, which, again, undercuts the claims of the song itself) there’s really no excuse for not noticing.  i honestly thought it was her at first in the picture.  same for the end, when they find the place trashed- all i can say is i must not have been paying attention at all by the very end of the song.  again, given the energy of the song, trashing the place seemed plausible enough.

i’m not sure who to put the blame on for my misunderstanding here, though.  the lyrics of the song are ambiguous enough that i can see the narrative of the video kind of fitting them, and it’s not like a music video necessarily has to maintain absolute fidelity to the lyrics of the song (as if that’s even possible), but i still feel like there’s an uncomfortable contradiction between what the song claims (i’m relieved to be free and over you) and the narrative of the video (i don’t care so much that i’m going to break into your apartment and smash all your shit).  ironic juxtaposition is certainly a possibility, but there’s not any indication given that the video is intending such a contrast.

or maybe there is.  i’m still interested in the fact that, despite the fact that, by the time the video ends, it’s pretty much indisputable that not only was that not her apartment, it was her ex-boyfriend’s apartment, i continued to believe that it was, through multiple viewings.  i was paying more attention to the lyrics, sure, but it’s not like they made it hard to puzzle out.  there were multiple moments that made it clear what was going on that i did totally notice, but i just decided to think ‘that’s strange, but whatever.’  whoever made the video very obviously didn’t understand what the song was about, but i wasn’t able to understand what the video was very obviously about, and who fault is that?  it’s whatever.