occasionally, my therapist gives me these printouts of, like, workbooks to read. they’re always talking about feelings and how to feel them or how to think about them or how to feel about thinking about them (or think about feeling about them). i don’t take them as seriously as i should.

in this latest packet she gave me, the last page is an exercise titled Recognize My Feelings. it provides a big list of feelings, in alphabetical order, saying:

“Which of the following emotional states do you personally know, and which have you felt in the past two weeks? Please circle those you have felt in the last two weeks.”

i’m a little confused by the first question, because i’m not sure if they’re asking if i ‘know’ them in the sense that i’m aware of their existence (which seems like there’s no point in even asking such a question) or if they mean do i ‘know’ them in the sense that i’ve experienced them personally. it has to be the second one, but it’s a strange way to word the question, especially considering that they’re actually only interested in the last two weeks. anyway, i highlighted these emotions as ones (i think) i’ve experienced in the last two weeks:

• abandoned
• accepted
• affectionate
• alone
• amused
• annoyed
• anxious
• apologetic
• betrayed
• bored
• calm
• caring
• cautious
• conflicted
• connected
• cranky
• curious
• defeated
• dejected
• deserted
• different
• disappointed
• discouraged
• distressed
• doomed
• easygoing
• embarrassed
• excited
• exposed
• foolish
• friendly
• full
• grateful
• helpless
• hopeless
• hurt
• inadequate
• incompetent
• insecure
• interested
• irked
• irritated
• isolated
• jealous
• loyal
• lucky
• miserable
• patient
• powerless
• preoccupied
• regretful
• rejected
• remorseful
• responsible
• safe
• serene
• shamed
• shy
• sorry
• stimulated
• stupid
• sympathetic
• tired
• trusted
• ugly
• unaware
• unhappy
• useless
• vulnerable
• warm
• weary
• withdrawn

so i have had these feelings. there’s some contradictory stuff there, but i don’t think that’s weird. i can pick out some patterns, but those don’t tell me anything i don’t already know. when i focus on the negative feelings that are identified, i notice that a lot of those, while they are connected to stuff in the present, are also very strongly connected to things in the past, so maybe that means something.

unfortunately, it’s the last page of the packet, and there’s nothing after the list, so i’m not sure what the purpose is supposed to be of identifying all these emotions. it’s possible i would discount whatever they would want me to do with this information, but i don’t know. all i know is that i have feelings, which i already knew.

i also now know that my highlighter (from the University of Oklahoma Office of the Bursar) seems to be dried up, and that i don’t know how to make a bulleted list on WordPress that has columns. these two things make me feel disappointed/easygoing and incompetent, respectively.