i have lots of ideas for a blog post, but none of them are anything i’m really super excited about:

• i have a very coarse, thick beard, but super sensitive skin.  many misadventures trying to figure out how to manage it, including discussion of shaving products produced for African-Americans and shaving against the grain (possibly as a metaphor for, something)
• people not using quotation marks correctly.  specifically, using them to emphasize a word or phrase (e.g., “Authentic” Southern Cooking).  am i right, folks?
• people who post on pet forums on the internet.  snarky commentary, but also empathy.
• a contemplative, self-searching piece about how and why i am so careless with my personal information online.  asking lots of questions i’m not sure i’m ready to try to answer.
• teaching composition to college freshman.  valuable work that isn’t valued, etc. (i mean, am i right?)
• Georgia College and State University, where i am a graduate teaching assistant, is so white.  comparison to previous schools i’ve been at that makes some point.  needs to be clear that i’m not trying to show off how woke i am, but it also needs to be more clear that i am super, incredibly, just uncomfortably fucking woke.
• philosophical(ish) rambling about the way that blogs or other kinds of social media create (consciously or unconsciously) a persona for the curator.  uses sources.  meta-analysis of this blog.  addresses reader directly.
• there was a dead insect on the table today during my graduate pedagogy class. just laying there on its back, dead. pretty much writes itself.

whatever it is, there are qualities that the post will need:

• something that takes advantage of the format.  probably definitely links embedded in specific words, phrases or sentences that direct readers outside the blog itself.  like related things, but also possibly a non-sequitur or even two.  not, like, something clearly ridiculous, though; something that almost seems relevant, so that the reader can’t be entirely sure if it’s a joke or if they are somehow not getting it.  possibly embed video(s) in the piece itself.
• specifics.  really striking, specific details that will stick in the reader’s mind, even if/when the rest of the essay doesn’t.  maybe something really personal, to create a feeling of intimacy.
• non-confrontational, but also strongly suggestive that i am some variety of maverick or outlaw.  indefinable/intriguing.
• possibly related to previous point: profanity, but not a lot.  used to create immediacy, and even intimacy, but unless it’s doing something specific it is used judiciously.
• credibility and/or authority (or a conspicuous lack of these things).
• distinctive personality and voice.  whoever i’m copying, it needs to not be completely transparent.  try to steal from a variety of people and combine their influences in a way that “feels“ original.  at worst, you can’t put your finger on what it is that feels familiar.  direct references to those who are most obviously being aped.

*fart noise*