When I was little, I spent a lot of time at my dad’s parents’ house. Despite the fact that my grandpa was a professional musician in his youth, they didn’t listen to as much music as you might expect, though I did hear a good bit of country music at their house. My grandpa had a lot of old records and 8-tracks, and his tastes were, I guess, what you’d expect from an old man in the 1980s. He liked George Jones, Merle Haggard, along with stuff like Alabama, the Oak Ridge Boys or the Statler Brothers. One of the newer artists that they liked was Randy Travis, whose music was benign and conservative and whose baritone voice and traditional style appealed to my grandparents.

I went through a brief, but mildly intense period of being into country music when I was in my early twenties, and while artists like Randy Travis were not were my tastes were taking me— I preferred more idiosyncratic artists, like Dwight Yoakam and Lyle Lovett —I did still listen to country radio, which still played Randy Travis and I found that hearing his distinctive voice actually gave me a strong feeling of nostalgia. I don’t even know that it was a specific, personal nostalgia, or if it was just a generalized thing, a kind of haze caused by Travis’ voice, which really does sound like he’s singing to you from some simpler time, where there’s always enough lemonade for everyone and never any small hint racism (but also no people of color, either, besides maybe the black guy from Walker, Texas Ranger).

Hearing Randy Travis again, I was mostly taken by his voice, and, while his music wasn’t exactly my thing, I also had to admit that, honestly, he has a couple jams. While I couldn’t abide the sickeningly sentimental ode to an old dead great-grandpa, “He Walked On Water,” for example, I also couldn’t resist the combination of Travis’ voice and catchy tunes like “Diggin’ Up Bones” or “If I Didn’t Have You.” My favorite, however, is his biggest hit “Hard Rock Bottom of Your Heart.” It’s possibly one of my favorite straightforward country songs period, not because it’s that great, but because it simultaneously makes me smile and want to sing along and also really want to, like, punch myself in the head for liking it, because it’s so fucking bullshit.

“Hard Rock Bottom of Your Heart” is one of those asshole country songs where the guy has cheated and is now making a big dumb show of how sorry he is, and we’re supposed to feel bad for him because he’s suffering and laying his heart on the line. It’s possibly the most bullshit of all the bullshit songs from this sub-genre (though I am nowhere even remotely near qualified to make such a claim, so what I’m actually saying is that it’s the one I’m aware of that is most bullshit to me personally). It’s really gross, with the typical sentimentality, which of course insists on reconciliation, curdling into entitlement on the part of the dude. The song is, basically, sung from the point of view of someone who has listened to too many country songs and apparently can’t believe that the woman he’s wronged isn’t submitting to what he sees as the natural, inevitable outcome of the situation they find themselves in. The title of the song is it’s central metaphor; the woman (and while it doesn’t have to be a woman, obviously, I’m just going to proceed as though it’s intended to be, mainstream country music’s politics being what they were/kind of still are) who the singer is addressing is making him feel like his efforts at reconciliation are being thrown to the ‘hard rock bottom’ of her heart. Like he’s being wronged.

Motherfucker, you cheated. You created this situation by abusing trust and failing to be faithful. These things do happen, and it’s rarely uncomplicated, but your feelings are not ones that need extra attention here. And you want to come at us with this sentimental-ass goop about how bad she’s making you feel for fucking another woman? I know that this phrase wasn’t invented yet, but miss me with that bullshit, dude.

The lyrics are so ridiculous, it seems like they can’t possibly be serious:

Since the day I was led to temptation
And in weakness did let your love down
I have prayed that with time and compassion
You’d come around

The first two lines are literally the only time that the song discusses his betrayal. And then this fucking guy gets right into it: “When you gonna stop trippin, girl? I mean shit, I said my bad.” He’s having to pray, because she just won’t ‘come around.’ My dude is so serious. And then the chorus:

And I keep waiting for you to forgive me
And you keep sayin’ you can’t even start
And I feel like a stone you have picked up and thrown
To the hard rock bottom of your heart
To the hard rock bottom of your heart

Sounds rough. I’m sure the last thing you got to the bottom of was softer, so there’s that. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Now this home we have built is still standing
It’s foundation is on solid ground
And do we roll up our sleeves and repair it
Or burn… it… down?

Seriously. My guy’s out here trying to suggest that it’s her responsibility to roll up her sleeves and repair shit. Unless, you know, she just wants to be cold and burn it down. (You know, whatever’s left that he didn’t already burn down when he fucked someone else. 🤔)

Here’s the bridge:

We can’t just block it out, we’ve got to talk it out
Until our hearts get back in touch
I need your love I miss it, I can’t go on like this
It hurts too much

This fucking guy. He’s hurting, and it’s too much. 😂

I  really like this song though, and it’s partly because of how off-the-hinges absurd it is. There are tons of syrupy, sentimental nonsense songs like this in country music, but this is one that really sticks out to me, partly because it’s a legit good song, sung by a fantastic singer, and partly because it’s so bananas that it seems like it has to be a joke. But it isn’t. It’s an example of country music being as dumb and thoughtless as it can be, which is just as dumb and thoughtless as any other kind of music, of course, but doing it in their own special way.

Alan Jackson, actually, has a great example of this kind of song done in a serious, thoughtful way, like the person who wrote it is an actual adult. And it’s also a really great song, too. (And Lyle Lovett had something to say about forgiveness, as well.) (Actually, so does Dwight Yoakam.)

(Also, it’s probably more than a little uncool, because Randy Travis did suffer a massive, debilitating stroke after this happened, but some joke about how we can’t just block this out.)